Now I'm 50, my old firing pin,

Now I'm 50, my old firing pin,
May need help to aspire to sin.
Do a hand stand, take heart,
spread your legs wide apart
And if he won't work I'll just drop it in

While an optimist airs, lost in shrugs

While an optimist airs, lost in shrugs
And a pessimist swears and humbugs
The glass is fanciful,
if half empty or full
Next to you and your two gallon jugs

Every birthday I ache to be Comus

Every birthday I ache to be Comus.
You? My warm hungry lace bound succubus.
When I texted you so,
your reply, that was slow,
said "What socks can mum get you for Christmas?"

WITHOUT PEERS OR MINOR DEFECT...

Without peers or minor defect,
Augmentation just done for effect,
From bumper to bumper,
What hides up your jumper,
Demands the utmost respect.

Should they ever start reaching the ground

Should they ever start reaching the ground,
there's no need to spend thousands of pounds,
in an under wired bra,
they'll be spectacular,
or just spend lots more time laying down

Sometimes museums are procedural

Sometimes museums are procedural,
galleries can be dull if you've seen it all,
there's a gap you can fill,
that would give folks a thrill,
guided tours round your front bump cathedral

Your boobs and your eyes and your face

Your boobs and your eyes and your face,
your shoulders your hips and your grace,
You may not think so,
but I bloody well know,
You're lovely all over the place.

I'm their number one fan as you know

I'm their number one fan as you know,
be they under your shirt or on show,
Its my worry well placed,
that they're going to waste.
Any chance of me having a go?

Jelly, ice cream, passing parcels

Jelly, ice cream, passing parcels,
trifles, of which I'm not partial
coz my favorite party,
is when you look tarty
and I play on your bouncy castles

Probabilities tend to be thorny

 Probabilities tend to be thorny
when the prospects could prove to be scrawny
Like Australian wickets,
winning lottery tickets,
or the chance of you coming home horny  

There was a young woman called Helen

There was a young woman called Helen,
who had more than her share of choice melons.
Almost everyday
you could hear the chaps say
I'll have a couple of what she is sellin'

'Till we met i thought "lust" was a label

Till we met I thought "lust" was a label,
Abused in bravado and fable.
Then I saw you sat there,
with your bum on the chair
and your jubblies resting on the table.

No need for special adjusters

No need for special adjusters,
or clamps to keep them in clusters.
In your black lacy bra,
perpendicular,
perfectly appointed blockbusters

On occasion when my face looks moonish

On occasion when my face looks moonish,
I am thinking of you being nudish.
At least ten times a day,
my face looks that way.
I am waiting for it to be soonish!

Yes here's wanton girls on the net

Yes there's wanton girls on the net,
who promise they're well worth the sweat.
But I'll weather the wait,
like a bull at the gate.
Unfettered, you're better, you bet.

It never fails to arouse

It never fails to arouse,

the virtues I'll ever espouse,

I love the cold mornings,

blue skies, Jack Frost calling,

when your nipples stick out through your blouse

Just the thought and my little heart sings

Just the thought and my little heart sings,

all swollen with pictures and things

grace and beauty to spare,

legs apart in the air,

waving like butterfly wings

Stories like this won't be told

Stories like this won't be told,

of the cramp and the softness and cold

sorry for last night

so keen yet contrite

I made a happy man feel very old

When the frosty eyes turn into crystals

When the frosty eyes turn into crystals,
I bet that they wish they had pistols
As I know it offends,
when we're out with your friends
And I can't keep my eyes off your bristols

Some women are selfish, some mock

Some women are selfish, some mock

Some are as cold as damp rock

But you're peerless my dear!!!

Could you see your way clear

to letting me lift up your frock?